hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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