what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
