I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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