That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
