So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
