So drunk its hurt
i dont even know how to be here
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
