I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
