she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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