yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
