my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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