There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
