The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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