She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
two words: eviction party
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
