If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
