yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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