The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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