I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
