last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
love makes seman taste better
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How external is "for external use only"?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
