I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
