She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize