you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize