my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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