My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize