i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
