I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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