she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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