East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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