There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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