I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
