Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
