um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
