I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
