why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
