I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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