Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
