Whod you bang
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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