They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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