You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
