It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
