Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
