everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
