And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The air taste purple.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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