The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
