It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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