But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
