Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
