Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Everything about him screamed your future.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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