she woke up with a sticky ear
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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