About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
