I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
