Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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