Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
