We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
