my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
