Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
