I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
