Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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