i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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