id be glad to
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
