Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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