Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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