We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
