Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
