whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
