My nipple is on Facebook.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
