don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
