Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
