i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
