I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
