I wish I could teleport
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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