My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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