I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
