NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
