He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
