I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
