oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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