She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
