He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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